Becoming an Ex-Mormon, Leaving Alaska, Navigating Life & Relationships – with Tammy & Brooks

In this personal and vulnerable episode of the Heal This podcast, host Brooks Ruff shares an intimate conversation with her longtime friend Tammy Cooley about their parallel journeys of leaving the Mormon Church, relocating from Alaska, and navigating the complex challenges of motherhood, grief, and spiritual awakening. Through raw honesty and reflection, they explore the weight of profound loss, the struggles of postpartum depression, and the years-long rift that temporarily ended their friendship. This conversation offers a candid look at resilience, personal growth, and the path to authentic self-discovery beyond religious constraints.

The Journey Out: Understanding Religious Transition and Identity

Leaving a high-control religious environment like the Mormon Church represents one of life's most challenging transitions, affecting every aspect of personal identity, family relationships, and social connections. Brooks and Tammy's stories illuminate the complex process of religious deconstruction – the gradual questioning and eventual departure from deeply ingrained belief systems that once provided structure and meaning.

The experience of becoming ex-Mormon often involves grieving the loss of community, certainty, and identity while simultaneously discovering authentic personal values and beliefs. This transition frequently coincides with other major life changes, as Brooks and Tammy experienced when they both left Alaska for new states, compounding the challenges of starting over in multiple areas of life.

The journey of religious transition often requires rebuilding not just beliefs, but entire support systems and ways of understanding the world.

Both hosts describe embracing what they call the "woo woo" world – alternative spirituality, energy work, and healing modalities that stand in stark contrast to their former religious framework. This shift represents a common pattern among those leaving high-control religions: the exploration of previously forbidden or discouraged spiritual practices as part of reclaiming personal autonomy and authentic spiritual expression.

Friendship, Conflict, and the Weight of Unprocessed Grief

The episode reveals how unprocessed grief and trauma can strain even the closest relationships. Brooks and Tammy candidly discuss the tension that arose between them during particularly difficult periods, including struggles with illness, loss, and the isolation that often accompanies new motherhood and postpartum challenges.

Their years-long period of silence demonstrates how grief and personal upheaval can create barriers between people who were once inseparable. The universal desire for validation during times of crisis becomes a central theme, showing how unmet emotional needs can create misunderstandings and distance even between caring friends.

The conversation highlights the importance of self-care and emotional processing in maintaining healthy relationships. Their eventual reconciliation and renewed friendship showcase the possibility of healing rifts when both parties are willing to engage in honest reflection and take responsibility for their parts in the conflict.

Motherhood, Loss, and the Path to Authentic Living

The episode delves deeply into the often-unspoken challenges of motherhood and postpartum mental health, particularly when experienced outside traditional religious support systems. Both Brooks and Tammy address how the isolation and overwhelm of new parenthood can be intensified when combined with major life transitions like religious departure and geographic relocation.

Their discussion of grief and mourning extends beyond traditional concepts of loss to include the grieving process involved in leaving familiar belief systems, communities, and ways of life. This type of ambiguous loss – grieving something that isn't physically gone but is no longer accessible – requires its own form of healing and processing.

The conversation emphasizes how these challenges ultimately contributed to their spiritual awakening and personal growth. Through embracing vulnerability and authentic self-expression, both hosts describe finding new forms of meaning and connection that align more closely with their true values and desires.